Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows

Do you ever have days when it seems that all you want to do is spray venom and invective? Days when, if you could, you would reach up into the sky and tear the heavens to pieces? But not before plucking the stars from the sky and throwing them down into the sea, to boil it to dust.

Days when, through sheer force of your own fermented anger, you could scorch the Earth bare in all directions through telekinesis, obliterating the entire planet in the wake of your own, bio-bred powers of nuclear annihilation?

Or have you ever wanted to reach out to the far horizon to grab the mountains in the distance and rip them from the Earth like a child tearing a scab from an injured knee? Or felt like taking great handfuls of the ground beneath you to hurl at the Sun to darken its lustre?

What about screaming so loud that you deafen all who with you share this planet, a scream so loud and so forceful and shattering that it literally wakes the newly dead? Do you think that's possible?

How about hitting something so hard that you punch a hole in the fabric of space-time, and then reaching into a parallel universe to wreak havoc like some emerging, rampaging biblical beast of the abyss?

Or have you ever stared at the ground with such an intensity of rage that you fear you could cause the tectonic plates underneath you to quake under the strain?

Have you ever thought to challenge Lucifer for the keys to Hell, because you think that you are better suited, emotionally and spiritually, to running his realm than the Prince of Darkness himself?

Or how about asking God for a job, like assistant to the Angel of Death or Special Envoy to Purgatory? Ever wondered if you'd get such a position after your time alive is over? What would be the selection criteria? Ever speculated that you are doing your apprenticeship now, unbeknownst even to you?

Has it ever entered your mind that, perhaps, you were born in the wrong era, in the wrong place and in the wrong body? Ever thought that you'd have been more at home plundering Rome as a barbarian king or hacking your enemies to pieces on the battlefield during the Crusades because - of course - your anger and rage is justified, and is almost quasi-religious in its fervour?

Ever thought it would be therapeutic to be the one in the missile silo, keying in the authorisation sequence to launch a 50,000 kilotonne warhead aimed at your enemy's capital? Or be the one who throws the switch on the electric chair, sending a condemned on their final journey; riding the lightning like a surfer on a Bondi wave?

Have you ever rejected nihilism because it holds too much meaning, or abandoned depression because there was too much consolation in the misery? Or wondered whether true happiness is only bestowed upon the hopelessly insane? 

Has it occurred to you that loneliness is an inevitable consequence of the human condition because we are a species without telepathy or a hive-mind? Or do we possess a hive-mind and not realise it, instead mislabelling it "God", "fate" or "karma"?

Do you think that your nightmares are less real because they vanish in the morning? If so, does that mean that yesterday was an illusion also?

Do you see yourself as the peoples' misanthrope or a cheerful cynic? Do you ever think yourself misunderstood, especially by your own self? Does your subconscious conspire against you?

Do you sometimes wonder whether you have a soul and, if so, do you worry that yours has come secondhand? Does it sometimes keep you up at night when you lay there wondering what you'll lose first, your soul or your mind? Does it matter? Do either have any value; to you, or anyone? Can they be stored away, kept from harms reach?

If given three magic wishes, would you be unwilling to choose the things you desire most because, if obtained so easily, they would then lose their appeal?

If given your time over again, would you choose the same course because, in all honesty, you don't know how you could have done things any better? 

Do you find it easy to identify your faults, errors and omissions in life but find it impossible to see the alternative choices you could have made or better options you could have taken? Are you blind in hindsight?

No, you don't ever feel like that? You don't sometimes think these sorts of things? Not ever?

Um, yep, that's okay; me neither. I was just checking...

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