Sunday, 30 October 2011

Letters from Zamhareer - 30-10-11

I've left things to drift for the last few months. I can't seem to see a task through, and I'm struggling a little to get myself organised and, somewhat, motivated. I am not making good use of my time and am feeling that it is just so easy to become inert.

Momentum is not easy to generate, and it is quite often lost. Yet I have found that once a task becomes repetitive, or routine, it is relatively easy to keep it going once underway on a regular basis.

This is exactly what I hope to gain from this series of short posts. The frequency of my posts on this blog has declined steadily, and I'm not entirely sure why. However, this decline has mirrored other facets of my life during the past few months as I have become increasingly aware that my self discipline and focus has dissipated into the ether.

In an effort to arrest this, I have decided to begin an online journal – a diary. Its purpose; to keep me writing on a regular basis. I enjoy writing, and I would like to do more of it but I seem so easily distracted these days. This is my way of trying to build a little structure around my writing in the hope that it becomes an everyday activity, just like brushing my teeth or having a shower. I do think there is a therapeutic aspect to the writing I have done, and I feel like I need to ramp it up again - if for nothing else, to keep me thinking, to keep my brain working and to keep me clear and cognitively active.

Also, I have a number of uncompleted blog posts that I have lying around my hard drive. I take my blog post seriously, and I think I am guilty of over thinking them. I seem to be getting them around 2/3 to 3/4 finished before I take a break and go off to do something else. When I return, I find it very hard to get myself back into finishing the post and inevitably my attention lapses and my enthusiasm dissipates.

As this is merely an online diary, I am going to free myself up and just write what I happen to be thinking and feeling at the time of writing. I guess it will be a little rough, but my goal is to post more often and I will need to relax my standards a little to do so.

My guess is that a large component all of my organisational lethargy comes from the pain I feel all day, every day, in my feet. I have what is called peripheral neuropathy that is present in both my feet (predominantly) and my hands (to a much lesser degree). I've only had this problem for about the last year and a half, and I have had a number of tests which show that it is not related to circulation (from sitting in a wheelchair all day). The effect all this condition is that by day's end, my feet are cold – corpse cold. My hands also get very cold, but nowhere near as cold as my feet do.

It's hard to focus on things sometimes, when the pain is strong. The medication I take might also play a role as well, but most of the time I feel pretty clearheaded.

It is because of my peripheral neuropathy that I have called these entries, Letters from Zamhareer. I have always had an interest in comparative theology – from a sociological and anthropological perspective rather than a religious or faith-based one – and I have always been fascinated by the concept of Hell, and the demons many believe to reside there, across all the world's major religions.

Zamhareer is an Islamic concept and is a separate and distinct form of Hell, differing from the typically depicted and described fire and brimstone version of Hell in conventional Judaic, Christian and Islamic traditions. Zamhareer is described as a state of suffering in extreme coldness, and is a place of blizzards, ice, and snow far greater than anything on earth. I saw a parallel, and thought use it. It's probably a little gratuitous, but what the hell, eh? (Pun intended)

I am going to give myself a red card for that lame piece of attempted humour. See you all again tomorrow.

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