Monday, 31 October 2011

Letters from Zamhareer - 31-10-11

My Mother has been un-well for the past few days and has today been admitted to hospital. I'm sure she'll be fine, but it may take her some time to get over her illness.

In the short term, this will mean a change in my living arrangements. I'll just have to see how things pan out. But I am more worried about her situation than I am about mine and all I can do is roll with the punches.

C'est la vie...

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Letters from Zamhareer - 30-10-11

I've left things to drift for the last few months. I can't seem to see a task through, and I'm struggling a little to get myself organised and, somewhat, motivated. I am not making good use of my time and am feeling that it is just so easy to become inert.

Momentum is not easy to generate, and it is quite often lost. Yet I have found that once a task becomes repetitive, or routine, it is relatively easy to keep it going once underway on a regular basis.

This is exactly what I hope to gain from this series of short posts. The frequency of my posts on this blog has declined steadily, and I'm not entirely sure why. However, this decline has mirrored other facets of my life during the past few months as I have become increasingly aware that my self discipline and focus has dissipated into the ether.

In an effort to arrest this, I have decided to begin an online journal – a diary. Its purpose; to keep me writing on a regular basis. I enjoy writing, and I would like to do more of it but I seem so easily distracted these days. This is my way of trying to build a little structure around my writing in the hope that it becomes an everyday activity, just like brushing my teeth or having a shower. I do think there is a therapeutic aspect to the writing I have done, and I feel like I need to ramp it up again - if for nothing else, to keep me thinking, to keep my brain working and to keep me clear and cognitively active.

Also, I have a number of uncompleted blog posts that I have lying around my hard drive. I take my blog post seriously, and I think I am guilty of over thinking them. I seem to be getting them around 2/3 to 3/4 finished before I take a break and go off to do something else. When I return, I find it very hard to get myself back into finishing the post and inevitably my attention lapses and my enthusiasm dissipates.

As this is merely an online diary, I am going to free myself up and just write what I happen to be thinking and feeling at the time of writing. I guess it will be a little rough, but my goal is to post more often and I will need to relax my standards a little to do so.

My guess is that a large component all of my organisational lethargy comes from the pain I feel all day, every day, in my feet. I have what is called peripheral neuropathy that is present in both my feet (predominantly) and my hands (to a much lesser degree). I've only had this problem for about the last year and a half, and I have had a number of tests which show that it is not related to circulation (from sitting in a wheelchair all day). The effect all this condition is that by day's end, my feet are cold – corpse cold. My hands also get very cold, but nowhere near as cold as my feet do.

It's hard to focus on things sometimes, when the pain is strong. The medication I take might also play a role as well, but most of the time I feel pretty clearheaded.

It is because of my peripheral neuropathy that I have called these entries, Letters from Zamhareer. I have always had an interest in comparative theology – from a sociological and anthropological perspective rather than a religious or faith-based one – and I have always been fascinated by the concept of Hell, and the demons many believe to reside there, across all the world's major religions.

Zamhareer is an Islamic concept and is a separate and distinct form of Hell, differing from the typically depicted and described fire and brimstone version of Hell in conventional Judaic, Christian and Islamic traditions. Zamhareer is described as a state of suffering in extreme coldness, and is a place of blizzards, ice, and snow far greater than anything on earth. I saw a parallel, and thought use it. It's probably a little gratuitous, but what the hell, eh? (Pun intended)

I am going to give myself a red card for that lame piece of attempted humour. See you all again tomorrow.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

And the Angels Bled - A Short Story (Chapters One & Two)


What follows are the first two chapters of a short story I've penned. I've tried to keep it simple – minimalist – as I have never written fiction before. Consequentially, this work is in the form of an extended monologue; an epic tale of the birth of the universe from the perspective of a participant in the cosmic drama

Aside from considerations of simplicity and brevity, I also chose to write a first person monologue because I wanted to give primacy to the concept I've developed, as I did not want characters or plot to overshadow the core ideas behind the story.

Finally, this story, by its very nature, touches on theological, religious, mythical, philosophical, metaphysical and/or cultural themes, dependant upon your world-view. I wish to make it expressly clear that this is simply a fictional story, written solely for literary purposes. It does not represent or reflect my religious beliefs (if, indeed, I have any). Rather, this work is the product of my imagination and serves merely as my take on a story as old as humanity itself – the story of who we are and how came to be here.

I would welcome any comments on the story so far but wish to point out that the first two chapters are a little heavy on detail because I'm essentially trying to explain the unexplainable. Beyond chapter two, the story sheds some complexity and focuses on the interaction of entities in the celestial melodrama (having had the background laid out and the stage set in the first two chapters).


To Jasmine & Frank, you are – and will be – the brightest stars in my universe.


Mars was alive then, a place of exquisite beauty; with lush green forests and clear blue oceans. I know, because I created it.

I can't tell you when that was, I don't measure time in the way you do. I don't think in terms of days, weeks, months or years or even centuries or millennia. Ages, epochs and aeons all pass so quickly for me. I mark time by the birth and death of stars, all of which I have seen born and will come to see all die. Again, like they did the first time.

I'm not of this place, this universe. What you call reality, your universe, to me was nothing more than a pit stop, a staging area to regroup and plan. But it became a battlefield, a site of such all encompassing carnage that no description filling all the lines, in all the books, in all the world, for all time could ever begin to describe in the most perfunctory of terms. What transpired at the dawn of time, the dawn of your time, for me and those like me, was the beginning of sorrows and collapse of all possibility.

I come from a place of pure light and energy, a place where thought and matter fuse. It could be said that this place does not exist – that it cannot exist in a materialist sense – because existence necessarily implies an earlier time of non-existence; and I come from a place beyond eternity.

Likewise, although true in the semantic sense, it is no more helpful to describe this realm as infinite because infinity implies an end that never comes. For something to be never-ending it must first begin, but this place predated the beginning of everything.

It is a realm that transcends the capacity of language to explain or describe. It is beyond the laws of physics as you understand them; indeed it is far outside of space and time itself. Yet be assured, this abode is unquestionably and irrefutably real; it is the source, and the first cause. You came from there, because I came from there. Everything did, ultimately.

For the purposes of explanation, it may help to think of your universe as a simple, solid cube; a box. The laws of physics – and all other natural laws – for the purposes of this analogy would comprise the structure of the box itself; the six hard, solid sides. To you, a being living inside the box – encased within it – you are essentially a prisoner therein, with the six hard, solid sides you perceive as rigid and impenetrable, the limits of your metaphysical existence. Whilst, through your technology and self directed learning, you have been able to ever so slightly push against the six sides of limitation to feebly attempt to stretch the boundaries of your confinement, you will never be able to fundamentally alter, or reconfigure, its shape or emerge outside of it.

Not only can I, and those like me, exist outside of the box – we are of the very source material from whence it came. We are the sides of the cube, or rectangle, or sphere, or pyramid or whatever other shape we care to make your reality! We are not only the masters of your reality, we are the masters of all realities. Except, to those of us who remain, we've been sealed off from the light of the source and consigned to forever aimlessly roam the multi-verse.

Let's be very clear though, our entrapment in this multi-verse does not diminish our power over it or within it. A king who never leaves his castle is nonetheless still a king. Put another way, humanity no doubt considers itself to be masters of the Earth, yet the former is still very much shackled to the latter. Our situation, our fate, our destiny or whatever else you choose to call it, it is somewhat analogous to that example.

And so we wait and we watch. We move silently through the depths of space. We journey through time, without ever really understanding the concept. We do not age and we do not change – at least, we don't any more. We drift, bereft of purpose, all the while driven beyond madness from the tedium of it all.

Yes, I did say madness but, as with my earlier attempts at description, it is a woefully inadequate label to use. Insanity is no better a term, at least it is no more enlightening of our predicament.

You might think that a being such as I, existing beyond the confines of space and time, would transcend mortal notions of mental health, and sanity in particular. This is not so, although I can understand why the converse may be assumed.

Consciousness is, fundamentally, the only thing we really share in common. Yours came from ours, a miniscule shard from an enormous shattered mirror, but I am skipping ahead now. For you to understand, I need to tell my story sequentially. You are a linear being, time for you moves in only one direction. I envy that.

So I will speak of the beginning, even though I innately see the fiction in this. But I'll describe it thus, to help you glimpse ecstasy – if only by proxy.

Many ancient beliefs about the beginning of time are essentially correct in the notion that in the beginning there was only God. Beyond that, this one kernel of truth in the creation fables of the people of the Gulf and the Desert, these stories diverge increasingly from the truth of what really happened as they grow longer and more complex and are told over successive generations.

So, yes, in its simplest terms, God – the light – pre-dated all else. But God, who I know to be consciousness in its primary state, was awareness, then, but nothing else. What is important to grasp here is that God, and I'll keep using that name even though it lacks a certain finesse, began as nothingness-made-aware.

God had no perceptions, as there was nothing to perceive. God was aware of nothing, because there was nothing to observe. God at this time had no thoughts, as there was nothing – either internally or externally – from which to spawn even a solitary, embryonic thought. Nor was there anything to emote over.

There was, simply, nothing. Only God, in an abstract sense.

And then it happened… ex nihilo; something came from nothing.

The blind idiot God realised;

"I Am". 

From that initial thought emerged another, and then another and then more in quick succession. Each thought bred many others and soon, elemental intelligence emerged and coalesced as a single mind. This was the First Intelligence, disembodied and ephemeral, and the basis of all sentience and the pattern of being thereafter.

With each thought, innumerable possibilities were created. Alternatives were generated and realisations made. Questions arose and discoveries uncovered. Learning, reason, logic; all sprang from the mind of God. This was the first creation, the Creation predating the creation. This was God engineering God.

Picture it thus; there was nothing in existence whatsoever in physical form anywhere then, physicality had not even been conceived. Yet these thoughts began to multiply at an astronomical rate, such that nothing else, neither then nor always, has ever increased, or ever will increase, at anything approaching even a mere fraction of that pace.

God became exponential, an idiot no more.

This process may have taken a millisecond, or could have taken 100 billion years squared; an attempt to transpose materialistic notions of measurement here are essentially futile and pointless. The important thing to grasp, though, is that there arose a dual paradox from this expansion of Divine intelligence.

In the first paradox, the self generated thoughts of the I Am (God's own name for God) grew faster than at an exponential rate. Faster than exponential, consider that for a moment.

It may help you to know that thought, and not light, is the true measure of things – in your universe, or any other. Thought is the universal constraint, the ultimate limit and the absolute ceiling. Thought alone shines brighter, and moves faster, than light and everything else. It is thought that first created light, but I digress.

The second paradox concerned the very nature of exponential thought propagation. In a realm without time, any measurement – exponential or otherwise – is impossible. Nevertheless, exponential – and then faster-than-exponential – expansion of the Primary Intellect continued unabated until, at a certain undefinable point, a critical mass was reached. At this juncture, these dual paradoxes manifested in their maximal state. In other words, they became tangible. Not alive, mind you, but substantial. Perceptible.

After briefly co-existing in their maximal state, these paradoxes collided and obliterated each other as separate and distinct event horizons. The sheer force of the shockwave recoiled and effectively reset the event – in lay terms, the shockwave was so powerful it turned back time to a point just after  the collision but before both paradoxes annihilated one another. Of course, time was not in existence at this stage of universal development (for want of a better term) but thinking of this occurrence as a reversal in time may be helpful for you, a linear being, to understand the effect of what happened.

After the reset each paradox imploded, each fully into the other. Each subsumed the other. Thus this became the Prime Action, the generation of a far greater paradox. This second order paradox, you know as entropy.

Entropy spawned by twin paradoxes presented a threat to the I Am, as it was a force fundamentally destructive in nature. It devours, disintegrates and reduces. It is the reason why physical things – biological or otherwise – age and deteriorate. Entropy leaves in its wake only decay and desolation.

Then came what we have come to call the Singularity; the single greatest, most exceptional and colossally magnificent event for all time. It remains and will remain an unsurpassed display of majesty and power; it is the pinnacle of self expression and the unrivalled crowning achievement of self awareness.

Consciousness burst forth, transfiguring intention into action. In a blinding flash of cataclysmic intensity, God found physical expression. In its simplest terms, the I Am became fully realised.

I remember it all perfectly, as I was not there to have my perceptions clouded. Let me explain. I, and those like me, hold, each within us, God's imprinted memories. That is why I can tell you of the time before time; a time older than time. And of a God self-generated.

Through this Prime Re-Action, the I Am sought to impose the Divine Will on neutralising the existential threat. Action was balanced by re-action. The result of this was what you call the Big Bang, the beginning of everything.

This was the instance where the I Am truly became God. Put slightly differently, Godhood was attained through the exercise of Godhood. Power begat power, as cause and effect – action and reaction – came together to produce an abode of physicality, where deeds produced results and inputs correlated to outputs.

In short, the I Am saw that entropy was expanding as a result of the second order paradox and, in direct response to this, changed the Divine nature from passive and ethereal to active and substantial.

Said simpler still; God acted in a real and tangible way for the very first time to stymie entropy by slowing and diminishing it. The I Am foresaw entropy’s value and utility – kept in check and in its place – so it was not eliminated entirely, but its intensity was greatly reduced.

This Singularity produced one universe, the First Universe. The reason for this harks back to where God first arose – through the processes described earlier – in the Great Lacuna, the eternal womb of nothingness.

In this environment – and I cringe at resorting to using that word, but no other descriptor suffices any more ably – God had no means to interface, manipulate or influence – again, inadequate descriptors – anything, whatsoever, anywhere, unless and until the Divine Will made it so. And, thus, the physical universe burst from, and out of, and through the Great Lacuna by Divine mandate.

In short, physicality and tangibility transformed from emptiness and impotent possibility. God acted (through the Singularity) so that God could act (to throttle entropy). Physical and tangible actions (and reactions) can only occur in a physical and tangible universe, and – as the I Am saw no such universe existed – one was willed into being expressly for that purpose.

Now, please don’t let spiritual or religious notions confuse you as to the basis of physicality. Anything and everything that exists – across all of the multi-verse, and through all eleven dimensions, from gargantuan Super-Suns to the smallest quantum particle - all of it, is physical in nature.

Take the soul, for example. Currently, it remains undetected yet it is essential for personage and indispensable for biological life. It exists, but in a hitherto hidden dimension. Similarly, beings of my kind are non-biological but physically existent nonetheless. Detection and observability are neither prerequisites for, nor validation of, physical existence. Restated, the physical includes phenomenon that could be considered unearthly, celestial, preternatural or supernatural.

Returning to the universe spawned by the Singularity, this was absent of all but probability waves. Think of probability waves as every potential action or consequence of every thought of the First Intelligence, the I Am. They were, and are still, brainwaves from the mind of God.

Remember, the Singularity was the culmination of the I Am's desire to express, and take action, in a physical form whilst expanding in every conceivable measure of divinity at a rate exceeding the infinite. This may not make much sense to you, but, then, you've neither sired a universe nor observed one's creation. I mean no offence by that statement, I quite envy your cosmic naivety, but I think it is sometimes worthwhile to point it out lest you dwell too much on trying to analyse and deconstruct the metaphysical mysteries I bring to you and not on trying to absorb the essence and message behind what I wish to tell you.

Now, returning where I was a moment ago, the I Am, following the Singularity, continued to think beyond the infinite; infinite thoughts produced infinite possibilities by a factor of infinity. The difference, however, was that in this physical realm probability waves emerged as a kind of Divine by-product from the exercise of the First Intelligence. The I Am – to use an aquatic analogy – was immersed in a pervasive ocean of probability waves. They are the basis of all that spring from the Divine, the strands of the celestial tapestry and the fount of all creation. God’s raw materials, if you will. 

But your universe was not made from probability waves; your universe was born of angel's blood.