Sunday, 1 January 2012

Letters from Zamhareer - 01-01-12

A sense of order has begun to creep back into my life. I like that. I need that. However illusory, I've always needed to feel in control of my life and my fate.

I'm thinking about the future without accompanying feelings of dread and despair and I'm thinking about the past without some of the pangs of regret. I guess that's positive.

As for the present, I'm still in search of an answer. I'm still in the midst of the unsolvable problem. I'm still without a response. Yet I'm inclined to think that maybe my time for chasing rainbows is over and it's time to close the door on much of my past.

So many of my self beliefs are so deeply ingrained that they can't be separated from whom I am, the fibre of my being. Perhaps I should scrap everything and start again? Could it be that what I need is a rebirth rather than a resurrection? I am giving it some serious consideration.

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